"You're not hungry." Echoes through your head.
by Jinna Windsor
"Stop don't look." The voices say.
"Don't you dare eat the apple." They say
"Stop, you already had too much today." They scream in your head.
but all you had today was two strawberries and a kiwi, you cut into parts to try and fulfill your hunger.
"Bite you lip, say you aren't hungry."
"You aren't going to be a skinny enough."
The little sayings you've developed in your
head continue to speak and yell
louder and louder each time.
You rarely go out anymore.
You're craving of something
as simple as an apple
makes you feel disgusting.
But on the outside people just see
a harmless apple.
You've started distancing yourself
from the people who you know care.
You wan them to stop worrying
but they've already noticed
that you aren't eating.
They now see you in the bathroom
cleaning yourself up.
The stares you receive are too much for you.
They look like help.
Help you don't want..
You think you're fine,
biting your lips raw,
clenching your fists so hard
your palms are now bleeding.
You have a constant need
of wanting to look like the girls who
have thigh gaps or the ones
who are so skinny and frail you can see their hip bones.
You want that,
if you don't you think you aren't
good enough, or pretty enough.
You've stopped going to parties
just because you know the whole
time you'll be counting the calories,
or resisting the urge to eat and indulge
into the food you think of every second
of every day.
While this is going on did you ever notice the boy/girl?
The one who silently watched you
slowly kill yourself?
Wanting to run up to you and tell you
that they want to hold you forever
and that you're absolutely perfect for them?
I guess you didn't.
You were too busy looking at someone who
wanted you to be a "perfect" doll.
That person you didn't see is now
trying to make them look like what
they think YOU want.
Stop trying to count the calories
instead count the memories.
Stop listening to the negative voices
instead listen to the voices reaching out to give you help.
Take a bite of the sweet apple.
You never know when it could be your last.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
And you're always what someone is looking for.
You shouldn't have to change your
appearance for someone else.