Poem Hunter
I Can'T Find Anything Left To Kill
UH ( / )

I Can'T Find Anything Left To Kill

It is always a startling surprise
When the first fragile rays
Of another sunrise
Peak through the window blinds
And I’m still alive.

I’ve spun so many meditations of suicide
Through my tormented mind
That I feel like a weaver
Of mortuary fantasies.

From my early teens,
I’ve been plagued
With death and poetry dreams.

I thought it would be over
When I reached thirty-three,
I thought it would be achieved,
My self-destruction at the age
Of Christ crucified.

But thirty-three came and went
And I failed to find my desired demise;
Now, at forty-one I’ve become
A hollow man, a foggy ghost
Gradually burning off in the sunlight
That shines for another
And not for me…

Anymore, I walk around half-dazed
And I can’t find anything left to kill.

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Comments (10)

You might be surprised at the number of people who did not think they would live past 18...some just never thought they would survive life...some didn't feel as if they were worthy of life...and others just didn't feel that they wanted life... Here's to life...in all it's forms! Hugs, Dee
I can relate. I never imagined myself still hanging around past the age of eighteen. But, for all my fruitless attempts, there seems to still be something here for me. I know there is still something here for you because you are too gifted and talented to be anywhere else.
I can relate to this (i think) on a very personal level. I never expected to make it past 17... then i never expected to make it past 27. Actually I havent made it past 27 yet.. but Im only 5 or 6 months away from doing so.. The point is... im staring at 28 and also a place where i never expected to belong.. Maybe Im missing the point... Anyway! Great poem!
dear uriah, take all the letdowns as the almighty polishing his diamond to be what you want to be = a great poet.
I hope to see you around for a very long time....I must admit though I know about some of where you come from. Life sucks at times others it can be quite beautiful. I hope you always look to the good. Very stong emotional poem.
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