CA ( / Encino.)

I Hate Her...

I'm just so confused these days.
All I want is for someone to hold me.
For HIM to hold me.
But what I want even more is to be rid of that desire.
Because its popping back up at the worst time.
I'm becoming so blank again, so vulnerable and he's just so manipulative.
I'm dropping. I'm falling. Lowering myself to hug the earth.
And smell the sweet amicable deception that is joy.
But I'm always spinning out of control.
I binge to rid myself of pain, and purge to cleanse my self of sin.
And it burns. Oh god, its burning.
The wick is always trimmed but never gone.
And they're all standing there waiting for something.
For that something.
I can't give it to him. To them.
But she can.
She leeches and sucks souls.
Disguising herself in the shadows.
Jokes were told about our sharing souls.
But she never learned to share.
She learned to allure and hide.
She learned to manipulate.
As did he.
Maybe I'm just attracted to the dangerous light.
Like those moths to those flames.
A soft flickering fire in the dead of night...
Who can resist?

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