I'Ll Race You To The Grave! Ready! Set! Go!
Spike: I smoke two packs a day.
Ike: I smoke cigars and chew.
Spike: I drink a twelve pack of PBR a day.
Ike: I'm more of a whiskey, gin, and vodka man.
Spike: I like doughnuts and ice cream covered in chocolate sauce.
Ike: Make mine bacon, eggs and potato chips please.
Spike: I hate exercise.
Ike: I work in the yard until my chest feels tight and the pain runs down my arm.
Spike: At work, I have deadlines I can't keep.
Ike: I hate my boss and I want to kill him.
Spike: I am married to a shrew and my daughter's on drugs.
Ike: I am divorced three times and my son's in prison.
Spike: I have unprotected sex with many anonymous partners.
Ike: My dates are usually intraveinous drug using men.
Spike: I never go to the doctor.
Ike: I go twice a week and am taking thirty prescribed drugs.
Spike: I only sleep for one hour a night.
Ike: Hey, Me too. But I have sleep apnea.
Spike: On Thursday, at 10: 00AM, I entered The ICU. It doesn't look good.
Ike: On Thursday, at 11: 00AM, I died! I win! BOOYAH! In your face! Loser!