I'M Too Ugly!
I wasn’t feeling my best
Not looking the picture of health
So thought that I might invest
In something to cover myself
I looked on e-Bay for a hat
One with a veil might just do
But I thought I might look a prat
At my friend’s week-end barbecue
Perhaps some kind of a tent?
So I went off to Millets to see
If they had one for sale or to rent
But they all looked too big - for me
Then I saw an ad on e-Bay
For a burkha in lavender blue
A few quids all I could pay
But the seller said that it would do!
I went into town that same day
It was 92 in the shade
The heat had me sweating away
So decided to buy lemonade
I decided to go for milk shake
At a café in the centre of town
Turned out to be a mistake
I couldn’t drink through my gown!
I also needed the loo
So I just had to try and mince home
What do these muslim girls do?
The answer is still quite unknown
I decided that I’d had enough
When arse over tit I did fall
I went home and looked in the glass
Maybe I wasn’t too bad after all!
I decided to put up with myself
Pimples and spots and black-heads *
That burkha was bad for my health
I’ll just get a yashmak instead
copyright Victoria George