I Whispered Lightly As A Rose

I whispered lightly as a rose
To grease my oily bagpipe,
And sniffing with her hairy nose
A dwarf flew into sight.

‘Pull down your flabby chopsticks, man.'
She ordered like a waiter,
And lowering my name to Stan
Got on all fours to cater.

‘I am Dame Doris Chucklebum.'
She laughed but half an inch.
‘I like things that are rarely done.'
Then stroked me with a pinch.

‘Take back thy sweaty chollocks, love.'
I pleaded like a pro,
And with a hefty boxing glove
Took on the lady so.

It lasted less than half a tick,
Less if you counted slow.
And with a little knowing trick
Fled fleeing on the go.

‘Come back! Don't go! ' she wept with ploy,
‘I'll change like Whitney Whopper.'
Enjoying but a little joy
And playing with her chopper.

by Wayne Riley

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