I Will Die/But I Do Not Know How I Will Die

I will die
But I do not know how I will die
Will I know it is going to happen
Shortly before I die
Or will it come unexpectedly
Without giving me a chance
To say a last goodbye?
Will it be through some horrible pain
I suddenly experience?
Or will it be in Peace and Resignation?
Will it be at the end of a long slow process
Of losing everything even clarity of mind?
Or will it come when I can say ‘Shema Yisrael'
With all my heart and soul and mind?

It will come
But I do not know
When and how it will come
I of course do not want it to come soon
But I alone will not determine it
In this life
As in this Death
And hopefully in this afterlife
It is not wholly up to me
I am dependent on the verdict of God

by Shalom Freedman

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