If I Could I Would

I want to scream,
To shout,
To take up that pole and watch the fragments tumble to the floor in slow motion like a shower of icicles.
I want to push,
To challenge,
To bend metal round shapes that I’m holding.
I want to hit,
To hurt,
To take what I’ve learnt and break her
And lock away that smile.
I want to look,
To see,
To watch images I held so dear curl and blacken in my hand.
I want to talk,
To release,
To chop up my heart so that as many people as possible can taste my poison.
I want to be,
To stretch,
To stand on top of a skyscraper at night and feel the wind push me.
I want to emerge,
To grow,
To put down the mask I see myself wearing and show what I hate inside.
I want to fly,
To burn,
To escape and enter the purity of mind of a god.

But I can't.
Instead I smash thoughts in my head,
Glittering shards show,
Filtered calm through sorrowful eyes
And tears growing.

by Stuart Doggett

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