JLM ( / Harrisburg, Pa.)

The Heaven In Me

There are considerably many things I would like to be
At the top of this hierarchy is the desire to be free
To live the intimacies that remain within me like gold
Needing a digging with a vengeful hoe
But which for the life of me I still fail to see
A sight
That is blind to my eyes
But exists in a tabernacle where all is well made
For there is nothing in creation that is limited or fake.

I have heard of the constitution
Modern experiments that is yet to provide a complete solution
To the discordant notes that signify the yearning of those under its umbrella
Who have become so stratified with want to even recognize a brother in this era
Even though this parchment took its origin from the days of Moses
A thousand centuries of letters cannot however conceal the reality in our bruises and sores
I have also heard of the legion of amendments
A warning that today's solution sooner or later will become tomorrow's judgment.

Life began in a garden
Planted in the hearts of men
Complete at birth with the presence of the three spirits in it
Faith, hope and charity, astral chariots that accelerate destinies to its eternity
To participate fully then
Is not about when
It is not really an option
But everyone's portion
Recognizing that darkness was in the world before light overcame
Hate can only triumph for so long before it is subdued permanently by grace

I want to be Free
To see
I want to be fRee
To live
I want to be frEe
To exist
I want to be FreE
To love
I want to be free
From the treacherous trek for what is above
A freedom which is not the ability of unfettered entrance and exit
For I could be suspended in time and space and still feel the magic of illogic
It is not a form of economic emancipation
That gives me just enough rope for me to commit suicide through strangled vision

I don't want to rip the cloud off the sky
Just so I could wrap it around me
I don't want to aspire to the stars
There is an endlessness in all aspirations that not to aspire at all is indeed a gift
I do not want to go to the moon
In order to discover what I should have known
If I were not blind, I should have seen that what I should know is already here with me and is still unknown
Knowing that at the end, there will be a reckoning
It is maddening to see how much is wasted with mindless yearning
If I live at all, it should be for a day
One second of less to waste as well as less to pay

Now I am not seeking
As much as I am believing
In an omnipotence
That directs all known senses
My eyes
Are not the sight
My thoughts
Are not the mind
What I live
Is not my being
There is however a confluence
Which is where well met is their circumference
This center is my heart
Being in control of this shul is being in charge of the dart
That spreads malignant poison
That keeps me chained when all I want is to move on

To come back from work
Satisfied in the knowledge that I have given it my all, is victory
To peer into the depth of virginity
And recognize the purity that will forever remain untouched by all those coats of vanity, is the story
To go to sleep
And taste death like the poor, is being triumphant
Because my eyes are set on the mountain from where all good things come
Just like an infant
To see my neighbor
Not as the other
But me
Is the heaven in me…

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