Poem Hunter
JN ((1969 -) / England)


Poem By J.L. Nash

(From “A paranoid selection”)

The Inertia of My Fears makes me leave all the lights on
even when I'm sleeping
Makes me forget to close the toilet door when I'm shitting
Binds me to the armchair eating unnecessary amounts of food, smoking cigarettes and drinking anything alcoholic
Forces me to lock myself deeper inside the already locked house
Bloats my eyelids until vision impairs itself
Adds tiny cuffs to the base of my fingers immobilizing
Heats my body until there is nothing that can cool it
There is no preference with the I of M F
It simply exists inside everything I do, grounding me in the filthiest of ways
Cups stand unwashed, plates smeared with left over grease from red cooked sausages
The salad remains in the fridge, components separate.
The Ethelred of Salads
It's astounding how quickly
I become the Ethelred of all things

I've lost three days now, well two but
there's one more to go and I can feel it coming upon me and still I am...
In the I of M F, I find myself crying at nothing at imaginary situations as if preparing
The mechanisms inside working overtime the body still the eyes fixed and
there's never anyone to talk to
It's got me again, in truth welcomed the old friend it is, not so much friendly as familiar
My stomach hurts like I was in fourth grade before a Mathematics test
My hair is straight on these days, not curly as usual
The floor is strewn with broken jewellery and I see the rust stains when I shower
but do nothing to remove them.
There is a hundred dollar bill on the table and I don't want to own it
I have lost a half empty removable drive I removed and should have left in place
That was when I was fighting it for a couple of hours
At this moment I have already pretended that you are dead and I have said the most eloquent eulogy for you
I have opened up and revealed all reason but 'twas to the television
The I of M F has its own rules I am compelled to follow
but I know if I can find the drive, I can close this sordid chapter
It's just the getting up that's difficult right now.

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