JT ( / )

In Silence

I just want him to hold me
In Silence
And for it to be okay, for it to be comfortable
To rub his hands up and down my arms
To let me know he’s there
I want him to kiss me softly
To let me know he care’s
I want him to love me
But everyone says I have to love myself first
That I can’t give anything away at first
But I am afraid
I wear a mask
This girl with long hair
Pretty eyes
Small body
And a always smile
The one that makes everyone else join in
I am afraid
When they try to get to close I freak out and let them loose
When they don’t I feel like a failure
I accept myself
But I don’t love myself
I let them get slightly physically close
But then I stop before they get everything
Because if I give them something that means they’ll want me for longer right?
But then they take the little of the physical I give them
And they move on
I’m afraid that I will never be brave enough
To love myself
To love someone else
Until then my heart stays in Silence

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