A cricket and a cockroach
Were necking in a drain,
When suddenly the cricket cried:
'Someone has pulled the chain.'
The cockroach leapt to her feet
And cricket did the same,
With disdain the cricket said:
'Well its your fault you came.'
They found a door and cricket stopped
Cockroach ground to a halt,
Cricket said with a cheery grin:
'Lets pop in for a malt.'
The pair went to a soda shop
Run by a horny horn toad,
Said cockroach with feminine flair:
'Okay but just one for the road.'
While the lovers sat hands in hands
Toad served a greasy grasshopper,
Said cricket holding cockroach close:
'I can't wait to become a poppa.'
Meanwhile a spider with a roving eye
Chatted up a cute wasp in a corner,
Said cockroach with a knowing smile:
'Don't say I didn't warn yer.'
Spider scuttled up to their table
And stood rubbing his legs together,
Cricket gave him a glare and asked:
'Do you think you could sing Stormy Weather? '
Spider suddenly became quite bold
Closing one red eye in a wink,
Cockroach sighed and said to cricket:
'Darling get rid of this fink.'
Cricket slowly got to his feet
Reaching for the gun on his hip,
With a snarl and a curse to spider he said:
'It's time I zipped your lip.'
Spider was cool, he drew first and shot
And cricket collapsed in a heap,
Said cockroach with a curl of her lip
'You said you were fast you creep.'
Cricket was dying as he lay in his blood
While cockroach knelt at his head,
Said cricket with a hairy cough:
'Promise you'll call my boy Fred.'
Cockroach with no tears or sobs
Got up and by spider she stood,
Said spider as the cricket died:
'Call him Sam I know I would.'
While ant undertakers took the corpse away
Spider led the widow to the bar,
Said toad with a grin and a bottle of beer,
'As a shooter you're quite a star.'
Spider ordered drinks for the house
While cockroach studied his style,
Said spider lifting his glass up high
'If you like I can sing for a while.'
But toad at the bar had his own idea
About what would be on the menu,
Said cockroach with coy lowered lids:
'I don't really mind if you do.'
Spider was worried about their host
As some fleas came in on a dog,
Said spider whispering to his girl:
'I don't like the look of that frog.'
He made a move but it was too late
As toad quickly flicked out his tongue,
With a twist of his lip and half a roll
His dinner bell was rung.