In Ireland, before Patrick came,
the snakes all thrived and showed no shame,
encouraging all men, I think,
instead of making love, to drink.
Had Eden been the Emerald Isle,
how would the snake have shown its guile?
Instead of having apples sent
from England, far away in Kent,
I think potatoes would have been
the fruit which with its very keen
intelligence it caused the fall
of man before it had to crawl.
Persuading parents to eat spuds
would help it prove they both were duds.
They taste so good when they are fried
the offer could not be denied,
and Ireland would have been the place
of mankind’s fall and loss of face.
This way all Irish territory,
some Poms call Pomme-de-terretry,
would be remembered by all sinners
as more than home of Harp and Guinness,
perhaps, in Pomme-de-terretry,
the home of the Demerit Tree.