You have never felt the torture of closing your eyes at night
Beneath that cold blanket of fear.
Nor of knowing that what we imagine will come out,
Is going to come out of the dark to claim you.
Because no ones there to protect you from your own screams or tears,
You will never be stripped bare
Of what grace and dignity you once possessed
Or to know what it is
To bleed in pain but weep in shame
This is a fear you are able to deny
As your own nights are filled with rest!
And it is a shame you will never know what a sharp knife
In my heart it is to know you wouldn’t save me.
To scream for you and know you ignored my plea
To know you heard and turned up your music, you just let it be
To know my innocence was squandered for nothing but no concern
A manipulative barter for some frivolous fee.
But I will never know a child who can look me in the eyes
And accuse me of forgetting to be their protection!
Nor hear the words of innocence lost blaming me
Because I will be flawless in this one endeavor,
I will feel pride that I deserve, not fake or fabricated as yours will be.
I will never yearn for my children’s unfelt affections.
I will accomplish something you never did
To change this broken pattern and grow
To cherish and be thankful everyday, work harder
And to always put my children before myself
As strongly as you left me behind!
Because I will never hurt my babies the way you hurt me,
I will never have to feel what it is like to die miserable and alone.