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Lessons Learned From Lying On A Hospital Waiting Room Floor

i remember four years ago
lying with my mom on the floor of this ft. lauderdale hospital
waiting room
trying to pick up my mom from tears
of endless hope
to live
when she just lost her husband
love of life
and now lyes her father in a few doors down
eyeing his last breath a few doors down
in a white sheeted bed
close by a portable urinal
a lantern of fluid with a hose to his nose
and a tv blaring to drown the conscious thoughts we're being defeated by
and us crying on the waiting room floor
looking for a reason
to cope to live on
while slightly in the back of our heads
realizing that this happens all the time
to someone everyday
somewhere in someway
and one of us now has to pretend to be the strong one
and it's time for me to turn my mother's thoughts
of maybe i should just kill myself now
why go on living
and i tell her
because you live for you
you live for me
you live for my brother
and that's what we have now
for what we had five seconds before is now metaphysical reality
a loss but a gain
in memory
and trying to jog my mind of memories
to tell her the good things in life both my father and grandfather experienced in their own time of being here
and i think that it is strange
how much similar love we pass down with our generations
how we learn through our family
other people's grief
i know that hospital and many others like the back of my hand
i know what the doctors look like
and the phrases they will pronounce quite slowly and delicately to you
before it comes out of their mouths.
it is an experience we never soon realize to accept
without pain
and reserve to know how to live on
quite the same way in which we did when things were with you.

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Oh yes, oh yes.......