CN (09/17/93 / )

Expectations By Clickfortaz

Expectations will be the death of me
From day one we are told what is expected of us,
Conform, go to school, get the grades
You have to be the best, no room to screw up
We put our fate in the control of others and wait to be judged
Define ourselves by grades and numbers, forever believing that we're not good enough
because our actions do not match our expectations.

We are expected to know what we want to do for the rest of our lives at the age of just sixteen
despite up until that point, having no real life experiences,
I mean how could we, at what point were we given the opportunity?
The opportunity to grow as individuals, discover ourselves, live free from scrutiny
From day one it is drilled into our heads that our main goal in life, is stability and financial security.
Anything else is time wasted.
Teachers will tell us that if you want success in this life then you need to go to university
It doesn't matter if it doesn't feel right right now,
Cos once you've graduated things will become clear.
6 years on and I find myself here.

Thoughts about my future terrify me
I can't sleep, or eat
It's the reason for my dark thoughts at night, the cause of my anxiety,
Because I don't have a 5 year plan, and for some reason that makes me feel guilty.

See my biggest fear in life is to settle.

Just the thought of it haunts me in my sleep,
I've seen too many people give up and live a life full of regrets
and I don't want that to be me.
To choose stability over your dreams is to let society win.
And I can't do that, I'm sorry.

Get a 9-5 job, buy a house, get married before 30.
work, eat, sleep repeat
the average 21st century daily routine
No passion or drive, we're just living machines
who's only motivation in life is making enough money
Ask yourself - Are you living or merely existing?

I'm 22 yet I fear that I know very little about real stuff
Like what the world looks like on the other side or how it feels to be in love
To settle now, would be to give up on discovering who I really am, I want to learn and explore,
If I don't get lost now, how will I ever grow?
And maybe I am wasting time, and nothing will come of it
but I have to take that chance, I need to know for sure.

I'm sorry but I cannot be what you want me to be
cos to do that would be sacrificing everything that makes me me,
and settling for a life where I'll never truly be happy
I've spent my whole life trying to please others, it gets tiring and lonely
I am forever trapped by the expectations of society and I fear that I'll never escape from this feeling.
I am calm on the outside, but on the inside I am screaming.

See despite how hard I try, I don't know what I'm doing with my life,
But my gut instinct tells me that the path you've got in mind,
It isn't right - atleast not for me
My life should not be dictated by a degree I chose to do when I was sixteen
because everyone around me told me that university was the right thing for me.
I look back now and I can't help but disagree.

But the truth is, I say I have all these ambitions and dreams
how I want to change the world, spread love and positivity
but I fear soon I will have to face reality - I am a university graduate who stacks shelves for a living
The doubts in my head will soon take over and the passion inside will die
I'll surrender to the pressure of society and settle for a comfortable life
One with no passion, no hopes, no desires,
Just the same old routine
Never to know what it feels like, to be alive.

by Lilly West

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