The other day you asked me if I think about killing myself and I told you no, but that was a lie. Every once and a while I do. But lately I've been thinking about it more. Maybe it's because you asked me, maybe it's because of my suicidal friends, or maybe I just feel more depressed lately. The only thing that really concerns me about thinking of suicide is that it happens when you leave to be with her. You've been leaving a lot more lately, and I feel selfish for thinking like this when she needs your help, but yesterday you were supposed to come get me and you said a few minutes but then I had to wait at the movie theater for you. You finally showed up a half hour later and your reason was because you were with her. You took me home and took a shower and then went back to her and left me alone again. You only came back to take me to work then you went back to her. I feel so selfish! She needs help! But then we stayed the night at her house and I was late to class because you had to take care of her. What about all last week? The only time I saw you was when you came to get me from school. What about the fact I had to stay at her house the night before her surgery? I'm selfish. It was like this before her surgery too it just wasn't as bad. You paid attention to me just not always when I needed you to. Now it's like you don't hear what I say. Sometimes it even feels like you forget I'm here. I know I'm being selfish, but I want you to pay attention to me even just a little. I'm being selfish but I want to spend time with you when it's just you and me. But she needs help even though she has her kids to take care of her but she needs you. Her kids need you to take care of them too. They can't cook and they need you to do it for them, but what about me? We have no food in the house but you buy groceries for them. We have milk overdue but you say we have enough to eat right now. You cook them a meal but get me fast food. I know I'm being selfish but I want to be important to you because I'm your daughter and I need my father too.
by Elizabeth Tyrrell