Old habits are hard to break
Each repeated lie and every misrepresentation of my soul
Adds a bar to my cage
This cell of my own making is impossible to escape
Even if I could tear down the walls
Even if I told you the truth
Even if I showed you the soul
I am only now beginning to know
You wouldn't see it
You would peer into my cell
Searching for me in the shadows
You'd ask why I was hiding
You'd say you could love me through my darkness
You'd actually prefer me to stay in the dark
Because if I am only a shade of myself
You can pretend I am whoever you want me to be
Or change me into whatever you need
Between the smudged outline of who you say I am
The nebulous picture of who I seem to be
And the blurry outline of who I want to be
I no longer know what is real
I weaved my web of lies so skillfully
Erased my perceived imperfections so completely
I no longer know who I am
I'm so afraid of who I might be without you
That I'll settle for who you wish I was
At least that role is known and comfortable
I've memorized all those lines
At least that character is loved
If you knew how broken, scarred, and weak I was
You'd realize it wasn't really me you loved
But your own twisted projection of me
I'll stay in my cage
I'll hide in the shadows
Because I wouldn't survive you leaving me
And that scares me most of all

by Abigail Hauschild

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Comments (2)

It is bewildered. Is this you referring to him? Well, never mind. He got you misconcepted. Your living in your own world that he prefers you to stay. Its shallow. I like this poem, it is something to do with love also.
Misconceptions always makes problems and poet has beautifully created a poem on this and I likes it and recited.