Misfit Beatings

Poem By Lawrence S. Pertillar

I take a beating for my needs!
I kick myself and sit in despair.
I need a love of mine right here,
Not 'there'
Behind someone's closed doors,
Like a whore who disappears
Doing whore chores!
Seeking fresh pieces...
To admire and adore.

Then suddenly reappear?
At my door?
As if that's not clear,
A 'respect' was ignored.

I take a beating for my needs!
I close myself off...
When open I want to be.
I want to unleash this love and release,
But someone I trust must receive...
And be pleased to be with me.

Or I will go on denying,
It's pride I feel from a wounded heart!
And not from a touch I long to feed,
From depths surfacing seeking a fresh start!

Alone I groan...
And take a beating,
For my needs.

I know what I want...
But I'm not getting it with ease,
And that is upsetting.
So much so,
I have been on my knees!

I take a beating for my needs.
But sorrow does not come to share them.
I may take a beating for my needs...
Knowing what I want,
Will be what it is.
When it comes to give fulfillment,
That is complete without self deceit
To relive...
Or surrender!

And come for me with a goodness,
Meant to be.

I take a beating for my needs...
To one day taste the sweetness,
Delivered just for me!
To one day taste the sweetness,
Delivery just for me!
To one day taste the sweetness,
Delivery just for me!
I take a beating for my needs...
And in the meaning of this feeling,
Repeated it will be...
Until I have the will and strength,
To set myself finally free.

I take a beating for my needs.
I know that more and I can see.
I'm not as eager to punish,
Or as quick to accept defeat!
I take a beating for my needs,
I do!
But I do it to clean the slate...
For whoever arrives when that time comes.
To mate.
For whomever that will be,
To help me forget
The foolish things done!
To free myself finally to enjoy fun.
When that one comes and stops my urge,
To end my misfit beatings...
Inflicted with such fits!

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