by Tiffany Green
I do not like.
I spend each day pretending everything is okay.
When everything is really in dismay.
Pretending to be something or feel something
I’m not always happy as I like to let people think
Everything is not okay.
Each day I wake up
And the bad thing is that I don’t want to.
I don’t want to wake up to my “according to popular belief” good life.
I’m sick of the pain and the sadness.
But most of all the loneliness.
She goes out every night
Only to come home and take her problems out on me
Everything is always my fault too.
I hate this feeling of obligation to take care of her
And then she tells me that she doesn’t want me but in reality she can’t survive without me
I make a couple of mistakes
Try something I shouldn’t and get hooked
And do it over and over again
And get caught again and again.
She comes down so hard on me
But if she would just stop to look in the mirror
And look at the image and influence she puts off
I just wanted to know why she likes it so much
And I f*cked up
I got hooked
and i paid my dues
And look where I am
Away from the only people who were there for me day to day
The only people that know the real me
The only people who don’t pick me apart for making one mistake
The only people that say “you made a mistake now learn from it and move on” “you’re a good person” “you’ll change”
The only people that have actually not left me and moved away
The people who I would do anything for
They saved my life
Without their knowledge
And he said that I would do anything for my friends
And he wondered why
Well here’s the answer
I owe them
They saved my life.
I’m so sick of the mind games
I can’t handle them no more
Not knowing if I’m going back or leaving
Not knowing if I’m going to be gone for good
Being scared all the time of the next move she is going to make
To hurt me next
Just to make her life easier
What about it?
It’s just a toy hanging out there that she seems to content to play with and f*ck up
Well not any more
I will not allow it
I am not going to end up like her
Evil and conniving little brat
I AM SICK OF NOT WANTING TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING
I AM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE
I WON’T LET HER BE ANYMORE
IT’S NOT JUST A TOY SHE CAN PLAY WITH
And I will play by my rules
And my choices
And I will use you as an example of what I DO NOT want to become…
A SLUTTY EVIL BRAT
Like I said