(March 1,1992 / California)

Never Go Back, Can’t Go Back

Never go back. Can’t go back. Like a slap across the face. Doesn’t leave a trace. And still to this day I sit and I pray, not something I do everyday. But because of those who depend on me I get up every morning though it pains me to see. The lies and crime. The cruelty and hurt. Nothing’s true. Nothing’s known. I try to forget and move on with life. Although little to their knowledge. I burn inside. I’m torn to pieces with every fact of truth that I learn. Each evidence to the lies I’ve been told. The lies that I had believed to be true for these few years. I wish to know nothing more. I wish to be nothing more. My life’s a lie, so it seems. I wish to start over. Never go back. Can’t go back.

Is this what I’ve become? The one to run? Run from my past? My family? My life? Who I am? That’s not me. I don’t run. Another lie. I do run. I run from what hurts for me to remember, to see, to feel. The physical pain I can handle. But the pain inside hurts the worst. That’s what I can’t handle. I’ve heard that as long as you have someone with you, it’s okay. That you friends and family will always help you along the way….. but tell me this. Who do you turn to when they’re the ones that doing the hurting? Causing the problems? Family lies to you to try and keep you safe, when truly it only makes things worst when you find that they’ve been lying to you making that problem two times as worst? It’s that that I run from. Repeating to myself. “Never go back. Can’t go back. Never go back. Can’t go back.”

To everyone else I stand strong. Unhurt. Not knowing a thing. They think I don’t hear they’re words. Think that I can’t put the pieces together. I know and I can see, unfortunately. They think that I’ll just understand and go with their plan. Little do they know that once I get my chance I’m gone, out on my way. Never will I look back. I won’t go back. I’ll be out on my own. Free from them all. They won’t be able to hurt me any longer. They won’t be able to lie to me any longer. I’ll finally be free to be me.

July 27,2008

by Allysyn Bryant

Comments (1)

i love it.... its totally special