YF ( / New Rochelle)

New Brand Of Feeling

Touching is a new brand of feeling
A static tingle that conducts from your body to mine
I’ve been touched before but when you touch me I feel it
Really feel it
Everywhere
Could you feel your hair?
If it was possible you could make me do it
Your lips could brush my chest
Air would flood my lungs in a panic
My legs would raise without warning
My back would arch
And somehow despite biology and physics
and possibly science altogether
I would feel the static in my hair
Like electricity flowing up and down my skin
Until, finally it dives and I feel it inside
Not inside my body but somewhere deeper
In my thoughts maybe
A chemical high in my head produced from a touch
And you turn and stare into my eyes and open your mouth
Then close it and think about your next words
An attempt not to scare me I think
Not to drive me away with words
And your lips murmur almost inaudibly
You’re gorgeous
Normally the phrase would fall into a handshake
No feeling, positive or negative.
Just a phrase, meaningless by itself
Empty, devoid even, of anything lifelike
I never heard it, I could see it coming
Pouring out of someones mouth
But I never heard it
Until it came from your lips
You mean it
And when you say it, I hear it
Really hear it
For the first time
Everytime
And I believe it
Air floods my lungs again
except this time it hurts, it’s painful to breathe
I need to hold my breath
You tell me to breathe through it
But I feel like if i do it will stop
I let the air flow into my chest
I feel my nerves tighten
Im stuck in one position, I can’t move
My body hovers over the surface
Anticipation
Your gorgeous
You say it again
I feel it again, for the first time again
I breathe, heavy this time, quickly
Like i'm running out of air
Your lips brush my skin and the static starts
This time it's as painful as breathing
My legs shake, my head tilts back
You stop at the right moment
The tinge of pain disappears
My sight goes black for few seconds
I hear nothing, empty space is around me
I feel nothing
Then after self inflicted sensory deprivation
Everything collapses, gravity reappears
The weight of my body crushes me
I exhale the feeling in the form of air
Trying to get the electricity out of my body
I shake again, trying to expel the feeling
Unbearable
I can’t think
For a second my mind is nonexistent
There is nothing but the tingling sensation
Then you hold me and it brings me back
From where, who could say?
From my journey to the dark spaces in my mind
In a second my mind is back in my body
And its bliss for hours and days after
A brief moment of madness
Brings me back to a normal state
And i’m me as I should be
Normal, feeling, fragile, nervous, jealous, living
And I realize in that normal state
That its not a new brand of feeling
It is feeling
Is this what people feel like everyday?

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