New Thoughts Of 'Karma'

Staring at the work 'Karma' engraved on my cold cell floor
I look all around me and begin to think of it all
My life at times feels like a drunken dream or a badly written play
Even the Actors seem so fake and eventually fade away

Accepting 'Me' and knowing 'Me' seemed to be my biggest crime
Never feeling complete love and acceptance raised in the publics eye
At war on the inside, yet smiling and lieing all about
truly was a painfully doubt

I searched through my memories of what I could have should have done
I never wanted to hurt anyone!
As the word 'Hurt' sticks in my head,
At times I feel I'm better off dead.

I cry silently remembering what he did
He took our youth, left with lies
but I am so happy that old bastard died
Sister could never get over the why's, or why we had to lie

It's been 5 years since my sister took her life
I can't stop yelling: 'Why? Why? Why?
I need her so desperately to stop all this pain inside
I wish every day she was here by my side

Divorce is not an easy thing to do
All those years together, it was pure self abuse
Abused- Alone-Divorces-Molested-Never Accepted
So far this is my wonderful life

The addiction came, eased and hid all that pain
But nothing is actually accomplished nor gained-
Nothing matters though, nothing at all
Until you wake up- Sick of it all
Asking yourself, 'Where the hell did I go? '

Watching my kids have to leave, they moved far away
Was thr most worse of my days
They are no longer here with me
It never was the same once we said 'goodbye'

I am trying to put all this behind me
Move forward inside of two steps behind
I am stronger now, probably cause of 'life'

But I ask: 'Why does Karma pick on me?
I must have been a killer in a past life so it seems
I see others happy, sailing through life
But at the same time are messed up inside

They Hurt, They fall
I help
Why do they get it all?
I watch them fall top to rock bottom
I pick them up, brush them off
Make them laugh with some kind of silly joke.

Someone hurts.....they heal
Someone falls...they have help

That is when it dawned on me, and I smiles and looked towards the sky
and shouted to 'Karma'
I know why....
Why I never get too far
Why I have lost it all
It is not my time, I have to wait
To catch those who fall
Pick them back up, Dust them off
Watch them Smile, Grow, and Learn

Now they are Me
helping others just like Me

I will change this World
1 person at a time
Thanks to 'Karma'
That friend of mine
2011

by Sharon Reniff

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