Not Right Now, Lord
Oh I know this-
by Lozaan Khumbah
When I started this journey
From the gates of your city
You marked a day for my return also,
When I will come into your presence again.
And you have been counting;
Following my footsteps and traces
Watching where I landed my feet,
Judging my heart on your scales
While I wandered around like a little child.
What is man to you?
You created him a little lower than the angels
And crowned him with glory and honor.
Yet you turn him back to dust
And sweep away all his pride and great riches.
Are we not like the wild blossom
That sways when the gentlest breeze blows,
And wilts when the sun sends its heat?
Our numbered days quickly fly away;
We finish our years with nothing but a moan.
The length of our days is seventy years-
Or eighty, if we have the strength.
Yet their span is but trouble and sorrow;
For a thousand years in your sight
Are like a day that has just passed by.
Oh, Shiv Batalvi was right what he wished!
The right time to fade away is in youth
When we are yet strong, healthy and agile,
To give our fragrance away far and wide
And be buried. Ah! Still beautiful, still so lovely!
Why to grow old and lose your sight,
Or spend your strength in chasing the wind?
Why build castles you will not live in,
Or love people who will leave us alone?
For we always walk the Final Path alone.
We weather the storm and get through;
And find yet another bigger one to face.
For when the circle of life has begun
We have only to work our way to the end,
Where a single cold stone will remember us.
What is man to you? And our life?
Few days of sunshine to light our face
And many days of confusing alarms;
What could be the purpose of this being?
We know not. Your thoughts are beyond us.
And I am but a lump of clay in your hand
You did form me inside my mother’s womb.
And all the days ordained for me
Were written down in your book
Before one of them ever came to be.
Teach me to number my days aright
That I may gain a heart of wisdom.
And spend my days to fulfill the purpose
You had in mind when you crafted me,
Which I know not now, yet long to complete.
Twenty one years since that day;
And I have just learned you are above all,
Just begun to se the wonders of your creations.
I have only just discovered a part of me in you
When I breathe this unseen air so effortlessly.
To my Mother who bore me, whom I love,
I am yet only a hope coming to life,
A little child just begin to grow.
I have not dried her tears
Or comforted her in times of pain.
I have not met my love yet, who, I believe
Was also formed to share this life you gave.
I have not looked deep into her dark eyes
And found a joy that is uniquely hers,
Or known the comfort of being truly loved.
Lord, I have just opened my eyes
And I have only begun to walk the toddler’s steps;
Yet to give my dear ones joy
And shelter the ones I care for.
You did not mark this season for my return, Lord?
If you call now I would gladly go.
I only have to come back to you
And what better time than this!
Yet what account do I give to you;
What reward would I be worthy of?
I am in love with this pilgrimage;
With these people who walk beside me.
I see milestones, many milestones up ahead
And I look forward to crossing them.
If you would, Lord, I have a long way to go.
Who am I to question your decrees?
I am but a small part of this Universe of yours.
If you send the angels to take me home
I would return but in deep debt-
I have received much and not given yet.
Let me complete this circle that is begun
Finish this race that has started;
Fulfill the purpose you made me for,
Flower this hope of my beloved Mother;
Yes, and love the One who is waiting.
Cover me yet under the shadow of your wings.
Guide me along, like in the past years;
Yet strengthen me to cross this horizon and the next;
For I know I am coming to you, one day-
But in good time, Lord. Not so soon, not right now!