BB (1983 / Houlton, Maine)

One Last Time

I took one bite
Fighting to be free
But I cringed when looking
At the food staring back at me

With every swallow
After every bite
I knew this wasn't
Going to be an easy fight

I try to stop some days
And fight my way through
But I fail and then realize
That this nightmare is true

Every time that I eat
That fullness I'd feel
I need that relief
After I eat any meal

I run for my laxatives
Throwing ups my second choice
My throat is getting sore
And I'm losing my voice

It's hard keeping this secret
Forcing myself to be sick
But I'm always finding ways
And learning new tricks

With each time, I get sick
I tell myself it's the last
I can't do this anymore
I'm going downhill real fast

But my body starts to hurt
Craving laxatives and pills
That when I get sick
The relief I need to feel

I hallucinate and see things
That's not really there
Why am I going through this?
This just isn't fair

I feel so out of place
I'm someone I don't know
This disease that is taking over me
It's continuing to grow

You can run me down
And call me names
But deep inside
I already feel ashamed

This struggle is real
It's a difficult climb
But I keep telling myself
I'm just going to be sick just one last time!

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