Postnatal Depression

I fear my little child.

I fear that she will not feed and grow strong and healthy,
I fear that she will stop breathing when I am out of the room or selfishly asleep,
I fear that she will become ill because of something I have done or did not do,
I fear that she will be in pain and I will not know why.

I fear that her father will reject her,
I fear that her father will reject me,
I fear that her father will compete for her love and that she will love him more,
I fear that her father will be distant and that she will not love him enough.

I fear that others will think that I am incompetent,
I fear that others will assume that I am capable,
I fear that others will force upon me unhelpful or unwanted advice,
I fear that others will believe I can cope.

I fear the loneliness of endless days without contact,
I fear the emptiness of endless nights without love,
I fear the weakness of endless days without proper meals,
I fear the weariness of endless nights without sleep.

I fear inexperience.
I fear uncertainty.
I fear guilt.
I fear despair.

I fear my little child.

by Teedy Dawn

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