Pretending Again

You sit there before me,
laughing with friends,
i join in just to pretend,
to show you i'm fine,
so you don't worry,
so you don't hurry,
bur inside my soul,
is fading away,
but inside my soul
is slowly dying.

You see my disguse
and think it's all real,
you don't see within in me
you don't see what's really real
You think i'm ok
You think i'm fine
But inside i'm dying
deep down inside.

I make you believe
that i'm fine inside,
untill that day where
you suddnely realised,
what was going on,
deep in my soul,
you took me to see her,
you said it would be better.

You said everything,
would be ok soon,
but how soon did you mean
now or in a hundred years,
cause it feels like,
it's been a lifetime,
waiting for you to see,
For you too see deep inside
to see what's really me.

Months have gone by
since you've found out,
no longer do you check
if i am ok,
no longer do you check
if i am happy,
no longer do you make
me smile.

You've gone back to your
ways before you knew,
you pretend it was a dream,
you pretend it wasn't real,
you sit there with friends,
and laugh and smile,
while i sit there dying inside.

You now don't see
inside me anymore
you now only see
what I want to show,
you now only see
the mask outside,
you now only see
the twisted truths.

I've told you once,
i'm not telling again,
I've put on my mask,
once again,
just because,
you've all gone back to your ways,
you've all gone back to your happy ways,
no longer can I let you down,
so this mask will be stuck
for as long as i'm with you,
Then when i'm all alone,
I can let it all go,
I can be myself again.

Written on 5th April 2010

by jess jayne

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