Redneck Christmas (Haha)
Poem By kayla evans
twas the night after chritmas,
and all through the trailer,
the beer had gone flat,
and the pizza stailer.
the tube socks hung empty,
no candy or toys,
and i was camped out,
in my old lazy boy.
the kids they werent talkin,
to me or my wife,
'the worst chriistmas' they said,
they had in there life.
well my wife couldnt argue and,
and neither could i,
so i watched tv and,
my wife she just cryed.
and the dog started barkin,
so i got up to look,
and i saw sherriff larkin.
he said 'roy i am sworn to uphold the laws,
and i got a complaint here,
from a feller named clause'.
'clause? i dont know no body named clause,
and you aint takin me in,
without probable cause'.
he said ' the man was shot at last night',
and i said ' well that mighta bin me,
just whats he look like? '.
'well he sports a white beard,
with a nose like a cherry,
and a big beer gut belly,
that shakes when he laughs like bowl full of jelly.'.
and i said ' sherriff that sounds like my wifes sister sherry'.
'its no time for jokes roy' the sherriff he said,
'the man im discribing is dressed all in red,
ive come for the truth now it time to come clean,
tell me what you've done and tell me what you've seen'
well i started to lie and then i thought
what the hell? would'nt be the first time
ive spent new years in jail
so i said ' sherriff it happened last night around ten,
and i thought that my wife had bin drinkin again,
but she said a bunch of deer just flew over head,
and stopped on the house of good neibor red.'
so i went outside and the site made me shutter,
a freezer full of venison,
standin right on reds gutter.
well my hand was a shakin,
as i reached for my gun,
when out of reds chimney this feller did run.
with a sack over flowin,
in thought he stlin reds stuff
while ol red was out bowlin.
so i said 'dropp it fat boy,
hands up in the air,
but he went bout his business,
like he hadnt a care.
so i popped a warnin shot over his head,
well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled,
and as he flew off i heard him extort,
'thats assult with intent roy ill see you in court'