I've encountered road rage over eighty times.
by Randy Johnson
My driving is so horrible that it's a crime.
I totaled a car after driving it when it snowed.
I'm such a lousy driver that I drive on the left side of the road.
When I drive at night, my chances of wrecking are increased.
I once hit a car that belonged to a priest.
I thought the priest would be forgiving and I thought I was home free.
But he pulled me out of my car and beat the crap out of me.
I practically invented road rage and I encounter it again and again.
This gray wig I've started wearing makes people less likely to hit me because they think I'm a senior citizen.
I've been cussed out, beat up, and once I was even shot.
If you drive like me, get off the road because you don't want what I got.