A Certain Shame

I have a dear friend that is dying
Given six months, thirty months ago
But on a daily basis
I don’t care if my existence ends
If only I could give my presence to her
What a strange juxtaposition
Her struggling to survive
Me, not worrying
Not caring
Her strength is phenomenal
After all this time, even her children have acquiesced
I can’t begin to grasp her mindset
The totality, finality of her disease
The daily struggles to endure
The intuitive yearning to breathe
And me
Not afraid or anxious
Impatiently anticipating demise
Knowing that there is no alternative
No option
The flickering; teases, torments, taunts
Would prescience alter thinking?
A change in conviction modulate?
I am ashamed
I have what others writhe for
Why can’t I embrace it?

by Kelly Kurt

Comments (2)

who is to blame? the ppl that trained the soldiers or the soldiers for succumbing to a will that is not justified. compassion & discipline need to work both ways but so often theyre short-circuited. one or the other. interesting write, Sus.
it is a pity that one small sin can destroy a lifetime of service. Justice should be tempered with mercy, but so often is not. This is a very touching poem. Thank you for writing it. Warm regards, Sandra