When women wear long skirts I think they look frumpy;
by gershon hepner
this poem explains why such skirts make me grumpy.
They hide parts of bodies that make me most curious—
don’t care if the husband is feeling uxorious;
if his wife has got assets like thighs in great shape
should they be kept hidden like sex videotape,
and if she has calves whose proportions appeal
to eyes that are roving, then what’s the big deal
that they should be hidden by skirts whose length rankles?
And now I must say a short word about ankles,
which like thighs and calves to Victorians were
as off-limits as nowadays genital fur
is to gaze of the public; they don’t turn me on,
but shouldn’t be hidden when in a salon
or shopping in markets or walking the dog—
there’s hardly one pervert whom they’ll make agog.
Short dresses can flatter those legs whose proportion
encourage a bold man to throw away caution
and say to a woman who’s genial, not jumpy:
“I wish you were free since you’re not looking frumpy.”
For many my preferences flout all conventions,
but when it’s appropriate for her dimensions
a dress should be made to reveal not conceal
the parts that the courts all agree must appeal.
Inspired by a poem by Anna Russell: Skirting The Issue
He always used to say
He preferred me in a long skirt
Said he liked the satisfaction
Of being the only one
Who knew what lay beneath
And I would think
Of the other men
The before him men
The sure to be after him men
Who also knew
But I never said anything
Because sometimes love
Even the temporary, just for the hell of it
Version of love
If you keep your mouth shut.