So Few

So few here know the real me
So few who can truly see beyond
What I choose to reveal or respond to
The things that I do
Of which to name a few
Are being contrary
And singularly individual, hard to hold onto
Wanting to give into
More than I am now
Or more than I have been and how
I have done things of which I’m not proud
In public and too loud or
In quiet and private
With only her eyes to look back at me yet
Looking through me
As if to see
More than I choose to show
Because you know
That the walls I built too keep the out in
Are actually the jail I stay within
Where at least it is safe from any harm
In darling form
From getting too dear
Or drawing too near
Letting her heart past my defense
That I put up so to not give offense
But also to raise up a tender shield
Which will not yield despite good intent
And I wish I could feel content
So instead I reveal only what I choose
And hope that I will not lose my security
Or clarity
Or the chance that you’ll see my despair and
Scale the walls to find this man inside
Who would give more than he could but nevermore hide
Or forever reside alone
Who would hold you dear, reveal all fears, share healing tears
Who would only want to no longer yearn
But instead love and be loved in return


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