Speeding? Not Me, Officer!
'But Officer, you surely are mistaken.
by Herbert Nehrlich
Perhaps it is your gadget getting old.
I never speed or break the law, you're making
an error of good judgment here, be told.
I beg you, would you hold off on your writing
and listen to my reason to be fair?
My wife, she is a tyrant, she'd be biting
my head clean off if I bring home a slip from Bear.
We've just made up this morning after heavy fighting
all night, to follow major battles from before.
And, are YOU married, then you know it ain't exciting
to jump into the hornet's nest once more.
Put down that pen please, just remember here, good fellow
that you look decent and professional and smart,
and at your age you can afford to be more mellow,
so let's not put the horse behind the applecart.
Just one more minute, would you wait a couple sec's?
I feel the need to make a solid contribution,
to your police fund, or a party, buy some kegs.
It's up to you how you will spend this retribution.
It's NOT a bribe, dear sir, of course, that is illegal,
did you expect me to descend to that niveau?
I took the seminars of famous Bernie Siegel,
he does commiserate, says 'travel with the flow'.
You get my drift, no doubt, so can we be adults,
just you and me, no don't start writing, let me TELL you,
I have just felt a tremor from these bloomin' faults, ,
it's St. Andreas and they still will try to sell you
some land out here and you'd become their sucker.
I know Doc Richter from the famous Richter Scale,
he left the state, said when this goddam mother f***er
blows up and opens up the earth we all will fail
to get away and save our hides, it is depressing.
And now I'll tell you in the strictest confidence,
we'd better stop this petty stuff and I ain't guessing,
I like your face and am aware that you have sense.
You can be trusted and the secret, it is yours,
great devastation will destroy this in the morning,
will kill them all from cocky clerics down to whores.
So you could, surely just bestow an oral warning,
because our time is of the essence now, my friend.
We must now leave this territory of disaster! '
When last observed they both had driven 'round the bend,
gone east toward Nevada, ever faster.