EH (July 5th 1986 Cancer's Stand Up! / Fayetteville, North Carolina)

Spring Cleaning

It’s spring time
The sky is playfully blue like it came out of a coloring book
Accented with cookie cutter clouds, in animal cracker shapes
Birds chirping, honey suckles in bloom, sun stretching its rays, and the grass is crisp and green
The most beautiful depiction of God’s work you’ve ever seen

I’m tempted to go out and enjoy his present,
but at this present time there are some pressing issues on my mind
We all know with spring time, comes spring cleaning
For me, this isn’t a literal thing
The house I need to clean can’t been seen on your every day parkway or drive
It’s the house where the light that provides my everything resides
Lately, I haven’t been giving it the attention recommended to sustain my holy spirit

Even though on the outside I can smile, shuck and jive like everything’s fine
Inside, I’m screaming for dear life
This house is dirty, and I’m feeling lonely
Nobody wants to stay in a place that’s not clean for long
Thankfully its resident is strong
It provided me with the motivation to take inventory and improve my situation
You see, getting started is the hardest part
So I stopped feeling sorry for myself, shifted my attention from the outside and dug in

First I unclogged my storm drains and gutters
They were filled with leaves and grime from all the time I wasted trying to impress others
Sometimes we're so desperate to fit in, we neglect the effect it’s having on the flow of our true personality
That’s the person that people really want to know, and would be privileged to see

Next, I turned my attention to the windows
They had collected dust and pollen from false pretenses and hidden agendas
Making visible only what I wanted to see in other people and in me
It’ll take a little more than Windex to solve this complex equation
But with time and elbow grease you can get a crystal clear image of your true self and others
Weeding out those you know knave no business in your house or your life

Now it’s time for the heavy duty work
You better throw on your overalls, workbooks, gloves and goggles
Grab your chemicals, crucifix and peroxide cuz we’re about to exercise the demons and skeletons that lurk deep inside
They most often reside in your closets, attics, and basements
Sometimes swept under your carpet or bed
I started in the attic to get those daemons out of my head
They were in the form of denial:

“Bi-Polar? Naw, you’re the one that’s crazy to think ima take pills for the rest of my life. I don’t care what your degrees in. Right, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, but not me… not me…”
But I looked it in the face, head on, and with the light at my side
I put denial in its place
Accepting reality is beautiful despite your circumstances
They were meant for you, and through prayer we get second chances

Then I moved in on the closet to take on the skeletons
As I approached, all the lies I told friends and family came back to haunt me
Dishonesty roots in cowardice, fear to face up to your choices
What hurts most is the disappointment that you hear in their voices
The beauty in this is that true friends and family forgive and let you earn that trust back
None of us are perfect, so when they forgive you, you can forgive yourself right back

Finally the basement, where nobody wants to go
That’s where I had tucked away the pre-marital sins, girls I cheated with and the triple x videos
How could a divine blessing dwell in the same space as this?
Not to mention the perfect woman I dream about sharing forever with
So I bagged this all up, some of the classics with hesitation...

But at the end of the day, I felt the rush of sweet liberation
A voice reminded me however, the key is to keep this house clean
That takes constant communication within your spiritual being
If you mess up, it’s ok, that’s why we have seasons…to do it all over again
I opened my doors, took in a breath of fresh air, knowing my house was ready
For the next special blessing God has in store for me

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