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Suicidal Me
EC (07-18-1989 / Arkansas)

Suicidal Me

Poem By ESPN CHICK

Wanted to die right here tonight
Poising myself with creme and ink
Trying to rid this pain take it all away
Wanted to run and hide

This is the suicidal me
Thought you never see it
Why is it so hard for me to die?
I wanted to die right here in my own room

Thought about cutting again
Blood running over my arm
Thats what I wanted but I didn't
Go that far

Why is so hard for people to see me?
Only when I'm trying to harm myself
I'm visible to everyone
This is the suicidal me

I wanted to die
Poisoning myself
Dying deep inside
My heart is blackened and cold

I think there's even spider webs inside of me
There's pain harming every part of me
Don't you see its been like this for years with me
I've been this suicidal girl no ones ever paid attention at all

All those poems, all the sayings of wanting to die
No one cares Dying deep inside
It's the suicidal part of me and its back
Welcome to my life thanks for acting like you cared

Now its gone I'm me once again but this time
I'm suicidal, no one can stop me
Tryin to make things better but they don't get better
Catch me if you can, I'm already dead inside

So try to save me from this so called life
I hate it here anyways thought you knew
No one knows me anymore
I don't even know me

All I know is that I'm suicidal
Yes! ! Dying and crying once again
I wanted help, but its to late for that
I didn't want help from you

Cause you don't know what its like
to wanna die, to be hurting deep inside
To feel all alone even when people is around
Don't you get it?

All you think is this is just something stupid
Trying to get attention to be the center of everyone
Its not like that all it never was and never will be
This is me the true side of me

I buried it for a while and now its back
I dug it up cause I missed it
Acting happy wasn't me
This is the true side of me

This is the suicidal me
This suicidal girl you never thought you'd see
You could have seen it before but you were blind
Blind as bat

It was right in front of you the whole time
No one saw it, no one even tried
Thats how I know no one cares at all
This is the way I knew it would come to

Written on August 30th 2007

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