(24 January 1961 / South Africa)

Tension (Revised)

No use reading positive books if I cannot
survive your grumbling complaints about
wonderful events – like visits from family
and friends I see as privileges which are
infringements of your privacy

No escaping suffocation today, you fell
victim to symptomatic fears about the
future while my mind stuck on Station
Worry; a surprise visit depressed, tomorrow
will bring more of the same –

Your unhappiness stifles my anxious
attempts to be sanguine, hopeful and glad,
the world threatens, full of monsters and
hateful events – it should be a fairytale,
even books fail to provide sanctuary

Can’t sleep or fit soft mattress curves,
torture is the floor, nerves charging my
body like high-tension wire: Spiritualists
say I can rise above this but I have a long
way to go before I can age gracefully

I guard my hope, trust and visions of future
and past jealously, even the fraudulent – as
long as composition harmony is supreme…

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