The Atheist And The Grizzly

An atheist strolled through the breeze.
'What pretty flowers, handsome trees,
what mighty rivers, awesome creatures
oh my, I love all Nature's features.'

So he had said in pensive mode
still hiking down the forest's road.

When suddenly, he heard a rustle
and turned to face a grizzly's muzzle,
the bear was soon in hot pursuit
and he was huge, a real brute!

A sevenfooter at the least,
and out to catch him, for a feast.
Now, quickening his steps to gain
some distance, but it was in vain,
the bear kept coming closer yet
the atheist began to fret.

He forced his scared but tired feet
to run still faster, thus to beat
the hot and smelly monster's breath
which signalled him an early death.

But grizzlies, as you may have read,
run faster yet than Mister Ed
and soon, the man fell in a heap,
the bear was on him in a leap.

Few words came from his lips, though odd,
'Oh God, Oh God, oh my, dear God! '

The clouds had parted, and suspended
was time, as if the world had ended.
A strong and bossy voice then spoke:
'What is it, man, now something's broke
do you expect I be your saviour?

When looking at your past behaviour,
when you not only lived your life
as godless, heathen; and your wife,
due to your efforts taught her friends
that things are random, and all ends
in dust without a Paradise,
you both kept spreading heathen lies!
And now, about to be done in
you clean forget your primal sin
and ask to have your own life spared,
so did you think I really cared? '

'Dear God', the fellow whispered then,
'I am a non-believing man,
and begging you, I do admit
would make me one big hypocrite,
thus would you in this instance mind
to be forgiving, also kind
and make the bear a true believer,
he could become thus the receiver
and also your ambassador
to tell all critters of the lore
that you would want them to believe
and I could earn a last reprieve.? '

'It shall be done', was heard the voice,
God made his well-inspired choice,
the sounds came back, the clouds filled in
and time resumed its silly grin.

The grizzly, who had paused before
was now a Christian, what was more
he had, in such an ordination
grasped all the meaning of damnation
and learned to pray to his new God,
hence Grizzly started with a nod,
then said, paws linked, in somber mood:

'I thank thee Lord, for this great food,
thy bounty knows no end through Christ
I've sworn to ditch the Poltergeist
that previously was my good master.
I see through you the food comes faster.'

And, with these words, the bear began
his sudden dominance of man,
he knew, of course that atheists,
the ones that angels never kissed
were on the menu, not the ones
in Utah and the land of Huns,
all Biblebelters were protected,
since God himself had once selected
the men and women who would pray
from June up to the first of May.

As God allows them to survive
a million grizzlybears will thrive.
Just think, though, what if those who state
that there can be no Pearly Gate,
if they, by fortune or design,
perhaps through spirits or good wine
flock to the churches, there to pray!

God would expect them to obey
and welcome them into the fold
the ranks of Christians, well be told
that this would bring, hear hear my friend
all life on earth to a quick end.

For grizzlies, while they may be quiet
and cuddly, would commence a riot
if suddenly their source of tucker
were gone, no grizzly plays a sucker
it's their religion to imbibe
sweet meat from any tasty tribe.

Thus, you can see that God would never
He is, quite rightfully, so clever
he'd never let the heathens pray
it would be folly, as they say.

by Herbert Nehrlich

Comments (2)

Great tale, well told, when is an atheist not an atheist. very enjoyable.
This is sooooo witty and awesome! ! I love it love it love it! ! Great job!