(11/26/1971 / New York)

The Consummation

sadness hides behind the dark eyes that scan the horizon.
I walk softly through the glen of trees.
my bare feet crush pine needles and leaves, releasing their scent into the air.
its the smell of clean, the moist freshness after a rain.
as I step over the fallen boughs my long skirt trails behind, further connecting me to the earth.
gently touching the trees, they speak to me telling me of sorrows past, of happiness and showing me my path.
long dark hair falls softly around my face and the leaves and flowers from the trees settle themselves in the tousled mass.
the setting sun sparkles against the thistle dangling from my ankle.
it makes me pause for a moment, look east and wonder.
now driven further, deeper into the forest, my feet are steady.
I continue to wander, looking for my truth.
my vision is clouded by dreams without recognition. without purpose.
time is lost in the void, the quiet closes in, but I keep moving.
my eyes continue to scan the now darkened sky.
guided by a lunar torch, the trees silence themselves so the earth can speak.
'you've followed the path you've chosen, you've followed the path you've lay, now that which is before you is no longer of your choosing'
my chest rises and falls rapidly with my next steps.
I can feel it closer now and I know that my search will soon be over.
my presumptions bare, my strength wanes.
the stillness finally gives way and I can hear him.
his sweet voice beckons me.
'come to me' he implores.
his gentle words echo in my mind
'can you feel me? ' he says.
'can you feel the longing?
I have desired this since the beginning.
you were always mine and I have patiently waited for your return, because I love you.'
I can not find voice to reply, but I don't have to, he hears me.
drawn further into the rapture, I find it.
I am finally here.
slowly I turn and take in my sacred place.
the space that was made for me, for my being, for my purpose.
walking softly further in, the coolness is a contrast to the heat of my skin.
for a moment my reality finds its way back.
the sheerness of it all.
the thin veil that keeps us obedient.
the fact that our worlds are constant places, partially insignificant but always moving forward.
that the innate feelings we have mean nothing to us most of the time and that the acquired feelings we have mean something to us most often.
the firm knowledge that death is freedom, and that life is change.
it fills my thoughts but he knows my vulnerability will slow my arrival.
so again he beckons.
'my love, what keeps you? you are so close.'
the connection grows stronger again and my timidness fails.
I will go.
the breath leaves and silence fills my space.
my eyes are open.
memories and visions fill my head.
the past, distant and clear, with its knowledge.
the present, clouded, full of fear, with its uncertainties.
the future, tempting and disquieted, with its promise of hope.
there's a moment of panic.
a longing for the familiar, for the imminent, for the comprehension that there is more for me than this.
then the quietness of peace overtakes me.
it is a place that I craved.
where I wanted to be.
I was delayed and discouraged.
all merely a temporary distraction from my perfect vision.

Return me to that which gave me life,
to that which nurtured me,
to that which breathed life into my soul,
to the place that made me what I am,
to the mother who gave me gifts, gave me color, gave me sight, gave me grace, gave me vision, gave me ability, gave me patience, gave me compassion.
she gave me my heart and then cursed me with feeling it.

return me, to that which showed me love.
return me to my earth.

by Eila Mahima Jaipaul

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