Destination Unclear

It was a feint evening
When the sky was judging
The battle
Between summer and fall
The struggle for up above
In a seasonal chaotic tailspin
For all momentum's time

Below, there was me
Looking up
Rooting for the summer
Because it seemed
To cherish this body the most
This wellbeing
This energy as a whole

But fall, I do realize
Has to exist
It makes a year older
Most importantly
It is a huge part
Of a seasonal cycle
That decays
That for which
Was more than ready to expire
Sacrificing all for a fresher revival
While the sky rains down
Freshening the air
For when the spring
And summer comes back again

Yet, still it is a nuisance
As the days grow shorter
The sky grows dreary
In a gray haze
Blocking the sun
Of its light
Of its energy
That keeps this spirit
From feeling lonely
Guiding me forward
Onward with great pride

Then I think
I do have something
It may not be real
But it helps me relax
Feel important
Just as ease
It is my own imagination

I do admit
In my own imagination
I have gotten so lost
Like as if I was not even around
And maybe
Sometimes I feel surely
I lost out on many things
That could of very well
Of been definitive
Upon my own existence
In a profound kind of way
But who really knows, Right?

Maybe my life has been the sky
At this very moment
Fighting for summer, the light
Against the fall
The blueprint, the start
To cold and dreary days
Submitting to darkness
Rather early
In a haze
As though it seems like
Many, many
More months to come

I do still have this imagination
Yet, that is not all I have
As this heart, this soul
These ambitions, innovations
Coexist with a wanting
Of so much more in life
As I am nowhere near
Being satisfied at this moment's time

I am not or will never be average
Nor better or worst
I am in fact different in many ways
That can be perceived by
Those who choose the right path
But what is the right path?
The mass order of manmade rules
That determines who the chosen ones are
An invisible monarchy
Ruled by brittle hands
Obligated to a cause
Built by golden greed devotion

See, I have had my share of personal criticism
Because I have never thought like others think
I never have lived my life like others do
Who are these others?
I have no clue
Maybe I do
But do they know who?

Do they really think?
That they are better than me?
Just because I…
Never mind

What if society was
About who was neither poor nor rich?
Good looking, Nor ugly
But by the spirit
The soul
The mind pertaining
To very different aspects
Than that for which you see today
Philosophies respecting
Coming from organic knowledge
Upon the truth of love
Honor and respect
Giving fair balance to all

What would we look like then?
What are the eyes really for?
Will the world ever know?

So yes, there are many mysteries
Things that could never
Maybe be explained
But what is wrong with a paradox?
I mean from time to time
Does everything have to make sense?

So who am I?
What am I?
In the human game
Of rat race pride
Who knows?
But I do hope
People become open
To new ways of thinking

Why should someone limit themselves?
After all
Limits always seem to have dead ends

I am just trying to live life
Finding new ways to survive

I do want so much more in life
I cannot stand being stuck in one place

Yet, Deep down I know
I have to have a stronger will
To rise above
Where I am here, today

So here I am
An underdog one could say
Dreaming to better myself
Somehow in some different way

So I often ask myself
What does it take?
What will it take?
To be where I want
To be in a life
Where I truly wish to be in

Yet, I do ponder at times
What if I looked different?
What if I was pleasant enough?
For other eyes to see
How would my life end up being?
What would I have become?
Would I be much better off?
Or even worse than
I would have ever thought before?

Why did I ever ask myself this?
I will never truly be
Something to be of highly desired
Yet, Deep down I never really wanted that
All I want is to just be me

Yes, it could be much easier
If I was something
Other eyes wanted
Or wished to be
But who would I see in the mirror?
I sure would never see me

This soul is strong

I truly believe
That I have a worthwhile destiny
Waiting for me
In the form of wings
Taking me to places
I never knew existed
Is this wrong of me to believe?

I just love to dream
But not all dreams
Can become reality
Though some can be
And that is all that I would need
A few would be plenty for me

I just know
That I have to keep being myself
True to myself
Never letting certain things hurt me
Never giving up
Because each battle is worth winning the war
Of finally having a better life
All from deep within

I have to be strong
Keep strong
And carry on
There has to be
More to life than just this

I may be alone
But I have so much within

So where do I go from here?
Only I will ever know

Destination Unclear

by James Darwin Smith II

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