I Just Might Call It Love

It wouldn't make sense to anyone.
theirs a 100% chance that no one would understand.
why after everything, id go back to you without much thought.

nothing has changed.
the stakes are still the same.
you still wont be 100% mine.
and still i agree to go another round.

i didn't think it was possible for you to hurt me
but you did.
and i swore i was better off without you. and a part of me was actually starting to believe it.

I could tell that you seemed to have a change of reality.
you realized what you left. and you figured out that you had more of a feeling for me than you thought.
you actually began to miss me.
i didn't think you had the emotional capacity to do that, at least not anymore.
i thought you were changed for the worse and there was no bringing you back.
but letting me go must of triggered something. something must have made you realize that it was a mistake.

i began to think i was out of second chances for everyone, then i realized that you never gave me a reason to have to give you one, until that night. the cards were in my hands, i could of easily said no and that would have been the real end, i could of tried to hurt you, just as badly as you had hurt me... but i didn't. i sat there next to you and agreed to give us another shot.

not much has changed.
the stakes are still the same
and you still aren't 100% mine.
but the thing that has changed is your attitude, that night was full of emotion and you didn't hold back.
You transformed back into that guy i really fell in love with a year ago, the guy that i want you to always be.

this could be a huge mistake.
you could as easy go back to being the jerk you had become three months back, but im putting my heart out there again. hoping and wishing that you'll remember what it was like to lose me and be so afraid it'll happen again. that you wont let go of this ever again.

people might call me crazy, dumb, or maybe pathetic, and they could be right. i might be crazy to think this will work again, i might be dumb enough to believe you're back to who you used to be already, and it might be pathetic that im willing to be with you in this way but know you're not all mine.

but i know what it feels like to be without you completely. i know what its like to think that im never going to get to hold you, or kiss you again.
and that feeling is almost the worst thing I've ever felt. and i don't ever want to feel it again.
so i can't complain, its not exactly what i want, but i care about you so badly that i'd rather know that you're 50% mine, then not at all.
call it what you want.
but i think i just might call it love.

by amanda currier

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