The Opposite Of Assertion

You act like something's wrong with me
But I'm just being myself
Why is it that you can't accept
That I can't be somebody else?

I've tried to make you happy, I know
And I've failed miserably
But everything that I do wrong
Is all you ever see

Why can't you just accept that I'm not like the other kids?
Why can't you just be happy that I am myself?
This is not how it should be, Mom
Why does it have to be, Mom,
That for every good I try to do I'm bit by twos and threes, Mom?

Yeah I'm a freak, I get it
But you're the only one who's ever told me so
Remember when I asked you why I couldn't be normal a long time ago?
I just wanted to be like the other kids
But when it's time to let go you won't even let me know what assertion is

Are you so afraid I'm lost?
Because you've lost me
I've tried so hard to live my life by your philosophy
I've done my best to not make the same mistakes as you
But all you see is some dumb-ass kid who doesn't know what to do

I know I'm not the smartest
I know I don't know everything
But you don't trust me to make my own decisions
And that's where it really stings

You're hurting me, Mom
Stop holding my hand so tight
You act like if you turn around
I'll just float into the light

Let go! I want to be me!
I want to be the person that you're too afraid to be
And if I have to, I'll be the only one who's proud of me,
But at least I won't have turned my back on me

You act like I'm a child
But you expect me to be an adult
Make up your mind; I can't be both
The way I am is not my fault

...

Where did this all go wrong?
Why am I the only one stuck feeling hurt when you're fine to move on?
You act like you're happy, act like everything's fine
But not me, I'm over here in my corner and I just want to die

No, you don't understand, do you?
How all the words you say make me feel the way I do
You think I'm unaffected, you think I've been protected
But I've only deflected all the hurtful words you say

I've lied to you! You think I'm fine
Well, if I'm fine, Mom, why do you see me crying?
You yell at me cause you think it's my fault
But you don't get why I'm being like this at all

I can't trust you, I'm afraid to break my walls
You think you know me, well you don't know me at all
You don't know what I like, or even what I hate
You do not get that what I see is not my fate

I will not be like you, Mom, in any way
I refuse to live with regret every day
Stop acting like you own me, you're just pushing me away!
No matter how you try, I'll just keep you out every day

I can't be around you if all you do is spit
I hate that you're like this, Mom, I'm really sick of it!
You tell me that I need to change my attitude
But who was the one who taught me to be rude?

I know I'm rough around the edges, that's my fence!
I know I may seem butch, but I'm just not that hench
I'm not a lesbian, nor will I ever be
Though you may think that, since you don't understand me

I have to be my own man, because I don't trust you
You make so many promises, how don't they crush you?
Cause you break them to me time and time again
so no, Mom, I cannot be your best friend

Go find somebody else that you can vent to
You spread your dirty laundry about me, well how 'bout you?
You're not flawless either Mom, cause I can see your cracks
So go ahead, spit on my grave, I've turned away my back

I wish I could've told you how you hurt me to your face
But you'd never let my words out, so this is the only way
I hope your happy, Mom, because you won't find it with me
I think you'd better let me go, we can't fix this quandary

by Cherie Mort

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