CL ( / )

The Spinning Wheel

I asked you if you'd wake me up.
It seemed the simplest of things.
But as you battled through the thorns
To steal away my dreams,

You stopped somewhere along the way
Where others set in stone
Begged of you to stay, oh stay,
And leave me on my own.

You pencilled in moustaches
On lips that were solemnly dumb
On lidless eyes you drew in glasses
As I waited for you to come.

When you arrived,
Kicked in the door,
And broke a chair or two,
And hastened to my bedside

You knew that you were late,
And time waits for no man,
Thus it was fated that we'd be
Eternally damned.

Now I will wake,
Now you will sleep.
My turn to live,
And yours to keep

The mysteries of the universe
Behind shuttered eyes.
And apart we'll always be
And neither of us will rise.

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Comments (3)

Thanks to both. Graham I meant the flow to be different at that stage - to kind of mirror the guy's rushing to make up for lost time - but maybe it didn't work! you know fairytales are very de-dum-de-dum and this was it mucking up. Back to the drawing board maybe! The last line annoys me... need to work on that.
I find this very good except for the fourth and fifth stanza's, some how the flow seems to be flawed, you get into rhythm of it and then it stumbles, other then that its very good content and all.
Wow, this has not only just grabbed my heart... the emotions you have put into this poem are great... but also, the way you wrote it... great, amazing! I felt every word! Elya Thorn