The Swashbuckling Engineer

Piratical adventures just off shore
Naval carnage on the office floor

The machine has thrown a wobbler, with torn and burning sails
We need swashbuckling engineer, you know he never fails

Enter the swashbuckling engineer
A-har me hearties, what's gone wrong here

You know you have a trash pile up in that bin that's underneath
I'll swing down from the rigging with my cutlass in me teeth

This machine keeps breaking down, it's no bloody use
Shiver me timbers and thar she blows, that there belt's come loose

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
There's paper jammed in that there drum

Just hang on while I change that rubber, it looks like it's eroded
Have you cleaned the singulator? And are the cannons loaded?

I'm the swashbuckling engineer, you know that I know best
So hand me down my tool box, it's up in that crow's nest

I've plans of wheels and pulleys, it really is complex
Like a pirate king's treasure map where the spot's marked with an X

My eye patch has gone missing and one of my legs is wooden
But I can still creep up on you and say 'A-har' all of a sudden

I have tattoos and twelve earrings and a nice crimson bandana
I've a screwdriver, musket and cutlass, and somewhere I've a spanner

The engineering pirate, and I don't have a beard
Not like all those other ones, I think they are weird

Privateers off the starboard bow and goldfish to the port
This machine just isn't working, it completely fails to sort

The machine keeps jamming, Argh the mail is damp, no wonder
Forget this job and come join me, we'll pillage and we'll plunder

If this machine was a ship, by now it would have sank
I say we should get the designer and make him walk the plank

The work is done and the sun sets, end of day
And the swashbuckling engineer alowly sails away

by Eric Jackson

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