The Things I Can'T Say Out Loud
What am i supposed to? I feel like nothing i do is good enough for you anymore.You know I'm not good at subtle hints, and yet you still expect me to read your mind.I don't know what you're thinking until you tell me.You said you cant compete with the game i play, yet when you're busy all day fixing stuff for my family I'm not allowed to complain because it's my family.You wake up before me almost every morning and you don't kiss me and let me know you're getting up like i did all the time, so i just stopped trying.I don't know what you expect from me.I'm apparently not good enough for you.You only see what you want to see so you can start a fight anymore.I don't get a word in edgewise or even get to explain my actions, so why should i keep trying? I don't want to loose you or give up on you, but I feel like you're pushing me away.So tell me what I'm supposed to do? You want me to give up the one thing that helps me with the voices in my head? You want more time with me yet I'm constantly getting pushed aside for stuff my family wants you to fix, or for plans you've made with them, or you scrapping to make money.Well then I can't help you if you won't let me so i think I'm gonna have to give up.It hurts like hell thinking about it, but i don't know what other choices i have.I try to work things out then the next day we find something else to fight about.I don't know if i can handle the emotions that are being constantly thrown at me.If only you could really see how much i love you, but sometimes i don't think you even care to look.If only you could see how much you mean to me, how much i look forward to days when you're not busy, how i smile while i watch you sleeping at night, and maybe you'll never know.
by Abby Keen Harris