(January,1975 / Georgia)

The Way I Feel Right Now…..

I feel like I can’t trust anyone
I feel like nobody really cares
People look you in your face
Then stab you until they see tears
Friends are friends
until the story is good
Then they do exactly what
They say they never would.
Then they hug you and say
I can’t imagine
Who would treat you that way
Then once again I start to trust
Until ending our friendship
Becomes a must
Right now I feel empty
Alone inside a world
That I can’t make understand me
Accused of being someone who
Is mean, cruel, uncaring
Someone I would never be
If I disappear
Would they shed a tear
I’m sure they’d notice
But would they care
Would they remember
Times we used to share
I feel like each day
I am being crucified
For sins committed
Years ago
I feel like the hatred
And guilt from my past
Just will not let me go
I have gone to the mat
With each demon from my past
I fought and fought until
They ran away
Or so I thought
But then they always showed up
Some other day
They come back like bad dreams
Laughing in my face as they
Tear me apart at the seams
I feel that I have found a
Horses head
Just as Don Corleone found
Placed in his bed
I feel there is a curse
Put on my soul
Because every time I feel warmth
It’s replaced by blistering cold
But as a great Philosopher said
'don’t let your destiny be
affected by your head'
So I will buck up and take control
Restore the quality of my soul
I will face today with a smile
And pretend everything is perfect
For awhile
It may only be enough
To get me through the day
But anything beats
feeling this way.

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