The World's Greatest Gardener

you could see them from the street,
towering over the rooftop of the house,
they stood tall and thick, unmoved
by the brisk afternoon breeze,
their yellow-brown faces so abnormally
large, almost monstrous in their unnatural
“I must be the world’s greatest gardener, ”
she said,
while holding a three foot long cucumber
and proudly displaying the gigantic
zucs and the fiery red tomatoes,
“did you see my sunflowers? ”, she asked,
“ummm….yeah, they seem a bit big, ”
I said,
“I must be the world’s greatest gardener”,
she said again,
on the table were a handful of carrots
of unusual size and shape,
along with some very odd looking
pepper type vegetables,
I looked past her shoulder,
noting the nearly foot thick stalks
of those sunflower plants,
and saw the bubbling pit of muck
above the septic tank area,
“I must be the world’s greatest gardener, ”
she said again, grabbing a beer from
the refrigerator,
she wandered into the next room,
infinitely proud of her gigantic bounty,
collapsing on the couch,
falling asleep with the weather channel on,
the world’s greatest gardener
in all her drunken glory…

by Darrell Gahm

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