These Tests Given Are Not Transferrable

Remember those days, months and years...
When I looked as if I could break down any moment,
In a pool of tears?
I could not sleep or eat?
Or release those emotions inside of me.
Nor any tears on my sleeves appeared.
A weeping was done.
Lots of it.
Although well hidden.
Struggling in darkness left me bruised.
To heal.
As I awaited alone for light.

Even my steps taken then...
Were prejudged, rejudged, misunderstood and misjudged.
Yes...
I was a mess.
A total wreck.
No one suspected what I kept protected.
I'm only now...
Able to confess it!
Address it and keep stepping...
Forward towards a brighter life.

And today?
Oh,
I know blessings have come my way.
Theres' not a church or scripture,
I have to obey!
Not to feebly portray...
Lessons learned have been lived.
I wallowed away in pigsties...
As if I was a natural pig.
With awareness...
I didn't care who though what,
About 'where' I was.

Sometimes agonies are not self inflicted.
Sometimes the giving of love allows this to happen.

Peace of mind has come.
And hear me when I say...
It aint gon' be given up anytime soon.
I've earned it.
God knows this.
From every 'pore' I've got!
God knows this!

I can understand what you are going through!
I do.
And that's all I am going to give it!
An understanding.
Mine.

However,
Sharing my past griefs and dilemmas...
With an emphasis on issues,
Will not do a thing for you.
Borrowed teardrops are not appreciated.

Pick up that up that cross.
And bear it.
Feel every despair for what it is.
Pretending makes for a bad masquerade party.
You will always be identified.
No matter how many countless masks you wear.

Pretending makes for a bad masquerade party.

These tests given are not transferrable.
If you don't know that by now...
You will!
That's not the world God has made for us to endure!

Pray.
Every hour of each day.
Pray.
You will get your answers.
And you will comprehend.
With a clarity...
No one will ever take away.
Pray.
A delivery from your depths,
Will definitely be your own to treasure.

by Lawrence S. Pertillar

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