This Dream Of Love [3-Sonnet Cycle]
I've lost the joy that used to meet your smile,
And found without its light my life now feels
That I have squandered love; It takes a while
Before faith's misconception hurts as real.
In emptiness your voice leaves sounds untouched:
The tones and melodies of brighter days.
If I had only known I loved you this much,
I'd not have lost the sun for darker ways.
What secrets lie beneath your absent voice,
That fear would bar your music soft from me?
I can not bear this hurt, but have no choice;
The dream I dared not dream means such to me.
I can not see nor hear that which I know,
And blinded thus, I can not let love go.
But awed by life's illusion, truth takes hold
The key to one or other's happiness;
And wearied by neglect my dreams cry Hold!
Fond mem'ries fade to bitter loneliness.
Your love was born of better love than me,
Hard forged of fire wrought from sorrow's fear,
That died amidst the joy you taught to me
And the hopelessness I bear when you're not here.
This vista's mirror mars my shattered dreams,
Sad bleeding figments spread and fester full
With words that glisten stripped of hope; it seems
That promises mean little after all.
Though life was pled these lessons through long years:
Your dreams compel me further than my fears.
So where their tide may lead, though reasons grasp,
They yield their course to delve where hopes take hold,
And draw still further from my heart's worn clasp
A dream of love that life has seldom told.
It bodes me ill to think; I sleep therefor,
And sing your silent song - fill deep my mind;
As depths beget closed eyes, I love you more,
Bereft of hope; My chances long behind.
Betrayals task and task... Oh, cry repent!
At inquisition's trial - My soul bares all!
To questions posed: A whole life fairer spent
That love should ebb and drown its tragic call.
What love has found our love an imperfection,
Has left me, lost adrift in your direction.
- September 7,2005