Ohhhhh! This morning I stubbed my toe,
Water in the sink wouldn’t flow,
Oh God please, where’s my wallet at,
These pants wont fit-I’m getting fat,
Someday I know I’ll clean this room,
-something tells me it wont be soon,
On the floor, scattered here and there,
My shirts, my ties, my underwear.
What will I choose, what will I wear?
Damn, ripped my pants and can’t repair.
Now all the cats have to be fed,
Seven AM and I’m half dead,
Couldn’t sleep on an unmade bed,
My wife’s on strike—something I said.
When I was young, life was exquisite,
Now her mom’s comin’ to visit,
And my wife—she’s getting stranger.
Wont give me the tv changer.
I just know, I’m gonna be late,
(Was that a poptart I just ate?)
Out the door in a rush I go,
I slip and end up in the snow.
At the door my wife is grinning,
As my head—it goes a spinning.
I’ve got to go or I’ll be fired,
“Fool, ” says she, “you can’t be fired..
Have you forgotten... you just retired! ”