Timmy The Cricket
Timmy the cricket he fell into a thicket
by Bill Simmons
And his pants got all caught up in the vines
When he made it to the ground he looked all around
But there was nothing on his poor behind
Along came a snail and said, 'Well, Well'
'Would you look at those bright shiny cheeks! '
'Don't you know you could make one go blind'
'You should cover them up with a leaf! '
Along came two turtles and one said, 'Hey Mertle! '
'Now would you just look at that! '
'Mertle says, 'I see, no pants indeed, and I do believe'
'That is the smallest wee I've ever looked at! '
Now the turtles and snail laughed so well
They all fell out of their shells
But the cricket now red with anger he said
I'll tell you what I'll do
He took all their shells and threw them up high
And in those vines they sailed
All were caught and hung right beside his pants
Now they all were quite naked as well
Just then the wind blew and broke the pants loose
They all watched as they floated to the ground
The cricket put them on, then dusted them off
And said, 'Well, I'll see ya around'
The turtles and snail said, 'You're going to leave us like this? '
'Now cricket, Have you lost your mind! '
The cricket simply said as he tipped his hat
'Perhaps next time, you'll be a little more kind.
The Dog and The Cat
The dog says to the cat
'Why don't you come down from that tree
I'll only chew you up and spit you out
And make you my new treat'
The cat stretches and yawns a bit
And says, ' You only think you want me down
But I'll tell you now you stupid dog
You a mutt, you ain't no hound'
'Now you've done it! 'says the dog
'I just marked your tree! '
'When you do come down we'll know the truth
About those nine lives you keep! '
'This is this and that is that! '
Said from the tree the cat
'Stupid dog thinks he's a hound
But ain't nothing but a lazy brat! '
'All you do is lay around all day
And poop where ever you go!
At least I got some dignity
I dig myself a hole'
Now the dog was steaming mad
'You come on down from that tree! '
'I'll show you some hound found
And I'll chew on that dignity! '
About that time a young girl comes out
She spates that dog on his rump
The cat she seen and jumped right into her arms
From that tree with one big jump
'Don't scare my kitty! ' the girl said
'Or I'll just have to give you away! '
The cat now stuck her tongue out at the dog
And she did still have this to say
'You see I told you, you stupid mutt of a dog
How do you like that on your rump!
You don't even know after all this time
You've been sitting in your very own dump! '
copyright 2005 Bill Simmons